Wedding Chaperon

I believe most Chinese in Malaysia are familiar with this profession called wedding chaperon a.k.a. Dai Kam Jie (in Cantonese). They have been seen in many traditional as well as contemporary Chinese weddings.

Wedding chaperon, is usually an auspicious married lady with living spouse, children, and grandchildren. She is also a quick thinker, has sense of humor, good at auspicious speeches, and well-versed in all Chinese wedding traditions, customs, and rituals. The wedding chaperon is traditionally hired by the bride's family to conduct traditional wedding ceremonies. In the modern era, I believe either side of the wedding couple's families can hire the wedding chaperon whenever they feel in need for one to perform the task.

Now that we all understand who a wedding chaperon is, lets look into what they do as a wedding professional!

Besides saying auspicious words and wishes, the most important requirement for a wedding chaperon is for her to provide guidance to the wedding couple. She will guide them through the traditional ceremonies and rituals such as the betrothal, bridal bed installation, wedding day prayer, and tea ceremony.

Let us further discuss the wedding chaperon's role in the tea ceremony. In most cases, we only think of serving tea to the elders in the family and that is it. Don't we? However, a wedding chaperon will make the ceremony merrier and interesting by introducing us to some unexpected items (will reveal what it is in just a moment). From what I recall from my sister's wedding, the wedding chaperon actually brought with her a pair of bibs for my parents (yay, the baby's bib but with some wedding-related decors on it!). It sounds funny but it carries a good meaning too! The bibs symbolize the long waited son-in-law for the bride's parents. Check out the pictures below! How cute my parents were?



The wedding chaperon not only presented a surprise to my parents, but there was another surprise for our relatives too. During tea ceremony, it is common for other family members and relatives (who are either older generation or relatives that are older than the wedding couple) to bring gifts to the newlyweds. As a token of appreciation, the wedding chaperon prepared some gold coins (usually a round-shaped chocolate wrapped in gold foil) for the newlyweds to present to the elders. The gold coins symbolize good fortune for those who wished or bought a gift to the newlyweds. What a loss if we did not hire a wedding chaperon for the wedding? We will not only miss out the fun, but also the meaningful symbols for the wedding!

Passion is an important key to becoming a successful wedding chaperon. It is the passion that motivates oneself to achieve certain level of competency in skills and knowledge of wedding traditions of different dialects in Malaysia. Knowing and be able to communicate in different languages does put a wedding chaperon in good place in the competitive wedding market. That way she is able to cater to greater amount of people and conduct various kind of weddings (not confined to just one market).

I personally think that this is the only profession/business that does not require a lot of media advertisement. A wedding chaperon becomes well known because of the words of mouth from their satisfied customers. A friendly and highly qualified wedding chaperon is highly sought after in Malaysia wedding market. To continue the tradition and retain the talented wedding chaperons, the valuable knowledge of wedding chaperon will then pass down to younger generations either through the mentorship program or some professional courses.

Are you currently looking for a wedding chaperon for your wedding in Malaysia? I have a list of experienced wedding chaperon profiles to share with you. Good luck in your wedding planning!



Source: Wedding.com.my
All pictures belong to author's personal collection.

Chinese Wedding
Hair Combing Ceremony

Hair combing ceremony always takes place the night before wedding day (early morning on wedding day). The ceremony symbolizes the adulthood of both the bride and groom, and wishes them a happy marriage. This explains why most Chinese parents only consider their children grownups when they get married.

A 'good fortune' man and woman (usually elder people/relatives who have living parents, children, and a good marriage) and an auspicious time will be chosen to perform the hair-combing ritual at the bride and groom's home respectively.

*Note: The groom needs to do this an hour before the bride does so.

Before the ritual begins, both the bride and groom should bath with water infused with Pomelo leaves^ and put on brand new underwear and pajamas. Bride will usually dress in pink or red pajama (red is the lucky color for festive occasions, especially for Chinese).

The bride and groom will each sit by a window. Some basic items to be prepared for both sides such as lotus seeds, red dates, three bowls of sweet rice balls soup (serve with either 6 or 9 balls in a bowl), fruits, chicken, and pork. Also, a pair of dragon-phoenix candles and incense will be lit in order to pay respect to their ancestors. Besides the basics, both sides need to prepare some other items respectively. For groom, his family will prepare a comb, round mirror, red thread, ruler, red scissors, and a double happiness towel. Whereas, the bride's family will prepare a comb, round mirror, red thread, red scissors, double happiness towel, perfume press powder, sewing kit, and a red scarf. These are all symbolizing a complete sweet marriage with many generations to come.

Are you ready? Hair will be combed for four times and each stroke with an auspicious meaning.

First combing:
May you be together all your lives from beginning till the end.
(一梳梳到尾)

Second combing:
May you have a harmonious intimate marriage till old age.
(二梳梳到白发齐眉)

Third combing:
May you fill your home with your children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren all over the place.
(三梳梳到儿孙满堂)

Final combing:
May you enjoy abundant wealth and an everlasting marriage.
(四梳梳到四条银筍尽標齐)

At the end of the ceremony, the bride's mother will give her a treasure box filled with jewelry and red packets as a farewell gift to her treasured daughter who is leaving her childhood home.

^Chinese believed that Pomelo leaves will ward off evil spirit.



Happy Planning!





Sources:
Malaysia Wedding Handbook, 2007, Sky Publisher
Hair Combing Ceremony, Chinese Wedding Guide, http://www.chinese-wedding-guide.com
Hair Dressing Ceremony, http://francisleong.com/

Photo credits:
Hair Dressing Items, http://francisleong.com/
Hair Combing Set, http://www.asiaone.com/
Hair Combing Set, http://mollysmallen.blogspot.com/
Glutinous Rice Balls Soup, http://www.digitalphoto.malaysiabest.net/

Chinese Wedding
Dowry

What other wedding tradition to be carried out before the wedding day?

It is the delivery of the bride's dowry to the couple's new home or groom's family (if the couple is going to live with the groom's family). This ritual usually performs any time after the betrothal and gift return ceremonies, up to a day before the wedding day. Dowry gives the bride's family the opportunity to display both their social status and their love for their daughter. It consists of valuable jewelry and other auspicious items as follows.

1. Cane Sugar: Symbolizes sweetness in marriage. (片糖，喻意甜甜蜜蜜)

2. Vase: Symbolizes prosperity of the new family. (花瓶，喻意花开富贵)

3. Purse/Wallet and Belt: Represents wealth.
(钱包和皮带， 取其腰缠万贯之意)

4. Ruler
Wishing the newlywed to have many acres of land (properties) in future.
(尺，取其万顷良田之意)

They use ruler as a symbol to measure their land/properties.

*In old days, sky-high buildings are rare.
Therefore, acres of land represent wealth of the individual/family.
*In modern days, shop lots and office buildings are everywhere.
Therefore, properties such as house and car represent wealth of the family.

5. Two Sets of Clothing
(衣服布料，喻意丰衣足食)^

6. Dragon-Phoenix/Double Happiness Bedding Set ^
*Including bed linen, pillow cases, and blanket.

7. Two Pairs of Bowls and Chopsticks (chopsticks tied together with red string) ^
(子孙碗筷， 取其有衣食之意)

^ Items 5, 6, and 7 as a symbol of good living.

8. Chinese Tea Set
*Including tea tray, teapot, and tea cups.

9. Bronze Tray/Basin with A Pair of Shoes: Symbolizes eternal love.
(铜盘和鞋子， 取其同偕白首之意)
*In modern days, the bronze tray usually replaced by red plastic basin.

10. Scissors: Symbolizes everlasting love.
(剪刀，取其蝴蝶双飞，双双对对之意)

11. Chinese Spittoon (literally known as off-spring bucket)
(子孙桶，即痰盂，喻意百子千孙)

A string of gold coins, cypress, and red packet will be put inside the spittoon.
When dowry is delivered to the groom's family,
all goodies inside will be removed and distributed to children.
Then, a young boy, preferably born in the year of dragon,
will be invited to pass urine into the spittoon.
- As a ritual wishes for a boy child for the newlywed.

*In modern days, red plastic bucket has been used as a substitute to spittoon.

12. Last but not least, jewelries for the bride.
They usually include a pair of gold dragon and phoenix bangles
as a blessing to the newlywed.





Happy Planning and stay tune for our hair combing ceremony posting!






Sources:
Malaysia Wedding Handbook, 2007, Sky Publisher
Chinese Wedding Dowry List, China Bridal, http://www.chinabridal.com

Photo Credits:
Chinese Wedding Dowry Containers, http://www.palmspringscorridor.com
Dowry Set, SG Club, http://www.sgclub.com
Spittoon, BigShipSalvage.com, http://www.bigshipsalvage.com
Cane Sugar, http://www.21food.cn
Antique Vase, http://www.flickr.com/photos
Wood Ruler, http://www.cleansweepsupply.com
Fabric Rolls, Anta Online Shop, http://www.anta.co.uk
Men's Clothing, Tree Hugger, http://www.treehugger.com
Women's Clothing, Tree Hugger, http://www.treehugger.com
Bedding Set, http://www.lightinthebox.com
Chinese Bowl and Chopsticks, http://www.fotosearch.com
Tea Set, Chinese Tea Ceremony, http://hamelwedding.livejournal.com/
Scissors, http://www.greenlightoffice.com/
Gold Bangle, http://www.ebay.com/
Red Packets, http://h2cards.com/

Chinese Wedding
Bridal Bed Installation

What's next after gift return ceremony?

It is time to look up an auspicious day and set up your bridal bed. The bridal bed installation is usually take place a week before the wedding day.

But...you are not the one setting up the bridal bed; two lucky persons (a male and a female) who are considered to have good fortune (blessed with good marriage; healthy and living husband/wife, children, and grandchildren) will be invited to perform the bridal bed installation ritual instead.

On selected auspicious date and time, the good fortune man will move the bridal bed to the right place^ and the lady will make the bed with new set of bedding linen. The lady will then scatter various dried fruits and food with special meaning on top of the bedding. (See shopping list below.)

Shopping list:

1. New Bedding Set

Traditional Chinese wedding bedding linens are usually in red or pink. There are some popular designs such as double happiness symbol, dragon-phoenix features, and beautiful peonies. Today, more couples choose plain red/maroon bed linen over traditional bed linen with embroidery. It is more practical and being able to incorporate their personalities to home decorations, and yet paying respect to their rich heritage back in the old times (red as the signature of lucky).

2. Red Dates

3. Dried Longans

4. Dried Lychees

5. Dried Persimmons (柿子)

Item 2, 3, 4, and 5 are all sweet in nature. Therefore, they are used to bless the marriage with sweetness.

6. Lotus Seeds (莲子)

Lotus seeds are used as an omen of fertility (连生贵子).

7. Lily Bulbs (百合)

It symbolizes a harmony marriage (百年好合).

8. Red and Green Beans

9. Tangerines (橘子 "ju zi" in Chinese; 吉 "qat" in Cantonese)

Tangerine pronounces as qat in Cantonese (meaning good luck) and it represents a way to bring good fortunes for the newlywed. Therefore, the bigger the tangerine the luckier the newlywed is.

10. Pomelo Leaves (柚子叶)

Chinese believed that pomelo leaves can be used to ward off evil spirit, and hence, the wedding will run smoothly and bringing lucks to the newlywed.

11. Bedside Lamps in red

Lamp pronounces as "deng" 灯 in Chinese, it has a similar sound as "ding" 丁 (meaning son). Another item used as an omen of fertility to the newlywed.

12. Red Packets ("Lai See" 利是)

It represents good fortunes for the newlywed.

Then, the bridal bed will be left untouched once it is installed, until the actual wedding day. If the groom has to sleep on the installed bridal bed, he should be accompanied by a young boy. It is considered as unlucky to leave one side of the bed empty. For people from older generations, leaving one side of the bed unoccupied means to curse death on either one of the newlywed. 100% believe it or not...Once the bridal bed is installed - it is advisable either: (1) Leave it untouched until the wedding day, or, (2) Have a young boy accompanies the groom.

What to expect on actual wedding day?

Young kids (preferably a male and a female^^) stand an important role during the ceremony. Kids will be invited to jump on the bridal bed and eat the good fortune food and dried fruits on the bed, as an omen of fertility to the newlywed.
当幼童在新床上跳动时，大妗姐就会大声念 “今日结成鸳鸯侣， 他日将有男又有女“，喻意白子千孙。

That's all for the bridal bed installation ceremony.

Wondering if there is taboo for bridal bed installation ceremony? To satisfy your curiosity towards wedding taboos, please refer to the list below (partial - only those relate to bridal bed installation ceremony).

Taboos:

1. Groom should not sleep on the installed bridal bed alone, before the actual wedding day. If he has to sleep on the bed, he must be accompanied by a young boy. To leave one side of the bed unoccupied means to curse death on either one of the newlywed.

2. Women during menses are not allowed to enter the bridal room after bridal bed is installed and on the wedding day (except the bride).

3. Pregnant women should not touch the newlywed's clothing or anything in the new home.

Remarks:

^ Move the bridal bed

The bridal bed installation is merely moving the bed slightly by the good fortune man (一个意思); the actual work was done by servants or friends.

^^ Male and female kids

Another auspicious meaning for traditional Chinese wedding, because both characters combined as the word "good 好". For Chinese, male is written as "男子" (we will drop the word 男, as 子 alone represent male) and female is written as "女子"; wishing the newlywed to have many children in near future.

Happy Planning!





Source:
Malaysia Wedding Handbook, 2007, Sky Publisher
"The Chinese Bridal Bed", Chinese Wedding Guide, http://www.chinese-wedding-guide.com
"Chinese Wedding Traditions - Installing The Wedding Bed", http://myweddingplanningtips.com
"Installing The Bridal Bed", Chinese Wedding Traditions, http://www.chcp.org
"Chinese Wedding Taboos", Chinese Wedding Guide, http://www.chinese-wedding-guide.com
"Do's and Don'ts at Chinese Wedding", Complete Guide to Chinese Wedding, http://www.chinabridal.com

Photo Credits:
Customary Items for Bridal Bed Installation, http://www.flickr.com/photos/charlieloo
Bridal Bed, http://www.flickr.com/photos/charlieloo
Red Dates, http://21food.com
Dried Lychees, http://21food.com
Dried Longans, http://o-mai.com/
Dried Persimmons, http://www.allproducts.com
Lotus Seeds, http://bencaoyuan.en.ec21.com
Pomelo Leaves, Kenny Tan Photography, http://www.flickr.com/photos/knytan
Green Beans, KYFood, http://kyfood.hisupplier.com
Red Beans, http://www.thedailygreen.com
Tangerines, http://tangerines.org/
Wedding Lamps, http://emarriage.wordpress.com
Red Packets, http://emarriage.wordpress.com

Chinese Wedding
Return Gifts
(From bride's family to groom's family)

As part of the wedding traditions, the bride's family will return partial gifts of the total amount of gifts received from the groom's family. Usually, they will return half of what they have received^ from the groom's family. They include the following items: (Again, all gifts must go in pairs.)

Return gifts from the bride's family to the groom's family
(After the Betrothal Ceremony)

1. Tea

2. Fruits

3. Pomegranates (石榴)

4. Yams/Taros (芋头)

5. Lotus Roots (莲藕)

6. Gingers

7. Betel Nuts (槟榔)

Bride's family will keep one betel nut and return the rest to the groom's family; it indicates the bride's loyalty towards her future husband.

8. Lettuce

9. Sugar Canes (甘蔗)

The newlywed will bring the sugar canes to bride's family during the ceremony of "bride returning home after three days".

10. Chinese Pastries and Cakes

They include sesame seeds balls with red bean paste and Chinese steamed rice cake. Specifically, "jian dui" 煎堆 and "fa gao" 发糕. "Fa" symbolizes wealth in Chinese.

11. Cypress

12. Double-happiness-printed Towels

13. Suit (including blazer and pants) and Belt

14. Wallet (with lucky money inside)

15. A Pair of Shoes

Shoes are pronounced as "Xie" 鞋 in Mandarin; it symbolizes a harmony marriage, wishing the newlywed a everlasting marriage.


^ Return gifts: Either in terms of items from the betrothal list or substitute the return gifts with money (in red packet).



Those are the basic items to be included in return gifts.
So...jot down all items listed above in your shopping list now, so that you will not miss the important items.


Happy Planning!





Source:
Malaysia Wedding Handbook, 2007, Sky Publisher

Photo Credits:
www.teacuppa.com
www.flickr.com
www.florame.co.uk
www3.moe.edu.sg
www.iomaclothing.co.uk
www.aprilinparis.us
www.samuel-windsor.co.uk

Asian Wedding
Chinese Wedding Rituals

As a Malaysian-born Chinese, I am always interested to know more about our Chinese wedding culture. It might be complicated, but it worth the effort to find out the interesting customs and rituals to be performed in a Chinese Wedding.

Before we kick start our traditional Chinese wedding planning, let's talk about the basic rituals included in the wedding ceremony - Three Letters and Six Etiquettes. Isn't it sound like the Western wedding culture - Something Old, Something New, Something Borrowed, Something Blue, and a Silver Sixpence in Her Shoe?

Not really...Chinese wedding ritual is far more complicated than this Western wedding tradition. The ritual of Three letters and Six Etiquettes is like a summary of the whole Chinese wedding planning process. It explains the formal proposal, gifts exchange, to the wedding itself. The Three Letters are Request Letter, Gift Letter, and the Wedding Letter. On the other hand, the Six Etiquettes consist of formal proposal, birth dates assessment, betrothal gifts presentation, acceptance of betrothal gifts, wedding date selection, and lastly, the wedding ceremony.

Three Letters and Six Etiquettes (三书六礼)

For Chinese people, a marriage begins with a series of three letters. The first letter is known as Request Letter (Pin Shu 聘书). It is a formal request for a marriage arrangement sent by the groom's family to bride's family. The Request Letter must be accepted by the bride's parents before the groom is allowed to marry their daughter. Once the letter is approved, the groom's family will send formal gifts to the bride's family along with the second letter which is known as the Gift Letter (Li Shu 礼书). The letter is like a record and it lists down the value of the gifts. Last but not least, the Wedding Letter (Ying Qin Shu 迎亲书). This letter will be given to the bride's family on actual wedding day. It confirms the act of bringing the bride into the groom's family and it officiates the union of the two families. (Having the same meaning as Unity Candle in Western culture.)

The Six Etiquettes begins with formal proposal (Na Cai 纳采). The groom's family will hire a matchmaker as middleman between the two unknown families when discussing the possibility of marriage. Once the bride's family accepted the proposal, the process is usually followed by the request of the bride's birth date (Wen Ming 问名). The matchmaker collects and compares the couple's birth dates whether or not their Chinese astrology compatible to each other. As soon as the couple's birth dates are confirmed compatible ^, the groom's family will have the matchmaker to present betrothal gifts (Na Ji 纳吉, the process of presenting the betrothal gifts) along with the Gift Letter (Li Shu 礼书) to the bride's family. The procedure of accepting betrothal gifts by the bride's family is known as Na Zheng 纳征. This procedure is equivalent to the Engagement in Western culture. After the betrothal gifts presentation/engagement announcement is done, an astrologist will be consulted to select an auspicious wedding date based on the Chinese Lunar Calendar to perform the wedding ceremony. This process is known as Qing Qi 请期. And finally, the last step of the marriage arrangement is the wedding ceremony itself, commonly known as Ying Qin 迎亲.



^ In modern days, most couples and their families no longer concern about the sign of astrological conflict. As long as the couple is deeply in love with each other and they are ready to build their future family together (they have grown up and ready to take care of the other responsibilities in life), their families will be happy for them.

To know more about Betrothal Gifts, we will discuss more in details at our next posting.

Stay tune,





Credit:
Chinese Marriage, Wikipedia, http://en.wikipedia.org
Three Letters & Six Etiquettes, http://www.chinaculture.org
Chinese Wedding Customs, http://www.chinese-poems.com
Chinese Wedding Traditions, http://www.chcp.org
Malaysia Wedding Handbook, 2007, Sky Publisher
Old letter image, http://www.txfannin.org